You can only take so much. I try to live in truth and positivity as much as possible. And when I make mistakes and unwillingly hurt others I apologize as quickly as I realize I fucked up. We all fuck up, its human nature, we’re not built to be perfect. We’re built to learn from our mistakes. That’s why it’s called growing up.

Friendships have been an interesting thing for me. I expect too much; I can finally agree to that. My mother has told me that for years. I treat others the way I want to be treated (or at times the way they treat me, depending on the situation). I give too much to those I let my guard down with and genuinely trust, so why should I not expect the same thing back? I try to be as honest and loyal and expect that to be reciprocated. Though, I’m quick to walk away when things start becoming unhealthy. Its the necessary thing to do for myself. I’m not trying to be the bad guy or be dramatic; I’m honestly just trying to live without negativity or phoniness….Really, just trying to live.

You can only hold on for sooo long. Hold on and wait till the other person makes things “right” or proves you wrong, while you wait around like a true sucker. You see, I lay low and stay quiet when I’m angry. Its a good habit (and a God saving one at that) I’ve acquired these last few years. We all do and say stupid things that have long lasting effects while feeling the temporary emotion of anger. So I suck it up, sit back and analyze. I don’t get even, I don’t seek revenge ever, I no longer blow up and bite that persons head off (or try not to)…..I sit back, think, watch and wait. I’m a true believer that all that you put out to the universe comes back to you. So life and the universe ultimately do your dirty work for you, just have to give it time. I try my hardest not to put out any negative energy (I try my hardest, I’m not perfect), no need for bad karma. I like sleeping with a clean conscious as well, so no need to be petty and gun for someone. I live life for me, so running around thinking of ways of getting someone back is just wasted energy, mental space, and an unhealthy way of harboring negativity. At the end of the day that affects you more than the person you want to get back at.

Once my trust is lost, my guard goes up. I can’t help it. Some people may call it a grudge since I never forget the things people have done or said to me, but I say its precaution. Nobody likes getting hurt. And when I’m really hurt, I walk away. What’s the point of holding on to someone who does not have the same regards and respect towards you as you do towards them? But at times we become blind to things people say/do, or when someone shows us their true colors, because we want to give them the benefit of the doubt. We push aside our gut instincts b/c we trust we are smart enough to have good people that care about us around us. It can get exhausting defending someone’s actions to ourselves instead of seeing them for what those actions tell you about them.

At the end of it all, I don’t hold hate in my heart, I honestly don’t. That’s wasted energy. I’d rather be dancing, singing, and enjoying all the beautiful things in life. I try not to judge b/c who am I to judge? I don’t speak negatively of someone b/c I don’t know what life holds in store for me, so who am I to talk? I now wish everyone luck b/c this life can be an unforgiving one at times. I have no control over what people will say about me or how they choose to treat me at times, but I do control who I choose to have in my life. If church and God has taught me one thing it is to love and let go. Turn a negative into a positive in every which way I can. Its the healthiest thing I’ve learned to do: Walk away and Let go. At the end of the day Life goes on and the truth ultimately comes to light….

~Yours truly,

IsA <3